I took Zoe to a child psychologist yesterday. I needed to know what I can do differently or what I can do in addition to what I’m already doing to make life as easy and comfortable and safe as possible for her.
Obviously things aren’t ideal and she is very anxious and withdrawn and stressed and hyper-sensitive BUT everything I’ve done in the past 9 months is spot on.
So every tear I’ve shed, every form I’ve completed, every rejection I faced, every phone call, all the begging, all the scheming and planning and praying and shouting and negotiation. Every scan, every letter, every e-mail, all the pacing around thinking aloud, every swear word, was so worth it.
Because it meant that we got the home that we needed to start our new life, it is giving us the base to rebuild and the anchor that we can hold on to during the storms. And I know some people may scoff at why a house was so important to me but for me it represents so much more than walls and a roof. It is our place, our sanctuary, our hide-out from the storms. It is a place where we can love freely, where we can laugh with abandon and where we can be ourselves with the people that are allowed into those 4 walls with us.
And I think that is most important – the energy in that little house needs to be right – always and therefore only a selected few will every be allowed in there.
Quite a few other things transpired in this consulting session and even though it is breaking my heart, I can’t do anything about it, it is out of my control. And therefore I just need to do what I’m doing and hopefully that will be enough to make my girl a strong, happy, confident woman that feel emotions freely and love with abandon, one day.
Because at the end of the day – that is my mission in life…