Worth it…

I took Zoe to a child psychologist yesterday.  I needed to know what I can do differently or what I can do in addition to what I’m already doing to make life as easy and comfortable and safe as possible for her.

Obviously things aren’t ideal and she is very anxious and withdrawn and stressed and hyper-sensitive BUT everything I’ve done in the past 9 months is spot on.

So every tear I’ve shed, every form I’ve completed, every rejection I faced, every phone call, all the begging, all the scheming and planning and praying and shouting and negotiation.  Every scan, every letter, every e-mail, all the pacing around thinking aloud, every swear word, was so worth it.

Because it meant that we got the home that we needed to start our new life, it is giving us the base to rebuild and the anchor that we can hold on to during the storms.  And I know some people may scoff at why a house was so important to me but for me it represents so much more than walls and a roof.  It is our place, our sanctuary, our hide-out from the storms.  It is a place where we can love freely, where we can laugh with abandon and where we can be ourselves with the people that are allowed into those 4 walls with us.

And I think that is most important – the energy in that little house needs to be right – always and therefore only a selected few will every be allowed in there.

Quite a few other things transpired in this consulting session and even though it is breaking my heart, I can’t do anything about it, it is out of my control.  And therefore I just need to do what I’m doing and hopefully that will be enough to make my girl a strong, happy, confident woman that feel emotions freely and love with abandon, one day.

Because at the end of the day – that is my mission in life…



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6 Responses to Worth it…

  1. halberts2014 says:

    You are being such a fab Mum. Zoe couldn’t ask for more. And you are so right about having your own retreat.
    Well done RM. I’m behind you 100%

  2. MamaCat says:

    It is such a selfless thing you have done. Having come from my drama of educational psychologists, I know it is not an easy thing to do.

  3. catjuggles says:

    You are being the very best mom you can be right now. It will be enough. Lots of love

  4. charliesbird says:

    Well done, you! You are growing a beautiful girl there, her soul will know love, care and she will go confidently out into this world.

  5. Deblet says:

    Here’s to you being an awesome Mom to Zoe. Love that your home is your safe place for both of you.

  6. Nats says:

    You are doing the best for your little girl, and being a great mom and role model. I agree with you 100%, your home should be your place where you can just feel your feelings and be free of who you want to be, Zoe is going to turn into a great young lady with her mom behind her, and as heartsore as it is, maybe it was better that you both broke away from this nasty situation/man, rather than being treated horrendously by him all the time, I know she still has to deal with him, but at least she will have her home and awesome mom to come to, so many children of divorced couples don’t have that. Keep going strong, and remember to also feel your feelings, you are human after all, hang in there, you are going to get through this much stronger than before xx

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