I have so much admiration for Zoe. My poor child has been through such incredible changes in the past 8 months.
A mommy that was there for her every afternoon.
A mommy that was attentive and supporting
A dad that was there
A new woman
A happy secure home environment
A future that seemed to be straightforward and easy
And in the blink of an eye it all changed.
To an absent dad
To a mom that was not always physically there but almost never in mind – a mom so busy fighting battles and organising and trying to stay relatively sane by running her legs into jelly that there was just no time to connect with her. A mom that had to work all the time all of a sudden
Coping with the absence of one parent at any given time
The loss of a dog
The loss of the only house she ever knew.
And my amazingly strong mature daughter took in her stride. And just kept being the sweet little girl she has always been.
And I feel such guilt and such pain for her. But now – from this coming week – I’m going to focus on spending more quality time with her – I’m going to try and set apart at least 90 minutes a day where I’m not distracted by ANYTHING and spend it with her.
She is so uncomplaining and doesn’t ask if she thinks it is going to create a furor between myself and her dad.
I need to find her again, I need to know what is going on in her head, I need to connect again. This divorce couldn’t have happened at a worse time – on the brink of womanhood and the teenage years. I need to find her and hold onto her and make sure she doesn’t sink. And do you know what is one of my biggest fears – that her first period will start when she isn’t with me – is it stupid that I’m worried about that?
But things should be slightly more settled now – less running, less worrying, less packing, less organising.
My daughter – such an amazingly strong, old soul. I love her with all my heart…