The time is now…

I have so much admiration for Zoe.  My poor child has been through such incredible changes in the past 8 months.

A mommy that was there for her every afternoon.

A mommy that was attentive and supporting

A dad that was there

A new woman

Three dogs

A happy secure home environment

Financial security

A future that seemed to be straightforward and easy

And in the blink of an eye it all changed.

To an absent dad

To a mom that was not always physically there but almost never in mind – a mom so busy fighting battles and organising and trying to stay relatively sane by running her legs into jelly that there was just no time to connect with her.  A mom that had to work all the time all of a sudden

Coping with the absence of one parent at any given time

The loss of a dog

The loss of the only house she ever knew.

And my amazingly strong mature daughter took in her stride.  And just kept being the sweet little girl she has always been.

And I feel such guilt and such pain for her.  But now – from this coming week – I’m going to focus on spending more quality time with her – I’m going to try and set apart at least 90 minutes a day where I’m not distracted by ANYTHING and spend it with her.

She is so uncomplaining and doesn’t ask if she thinks it is going to create a furor between myself and her dad.

I need to find her again, I need to know what is going on in her head, I need to connect again.  This divorce couldn’t have happened at a worse time – on the brink of womanhood and the teenage years.  I need to find her and hold onto her and make sure she doesn’t sink.  And do you know what is one of my biggest fears – that her first period will start when she isn’t with me – is it stupid that I’m worried about that?

But things should be slightly more settled now – less running, less worrying, less packing, less organising.

My daughter – such an amazingly strong, old soul.  I love her with all my heart…

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5 Responses to The time is now…

  1. halberts2014 says:

    Zoe is like her Mum. One heck of a tough cookie. It’s always sounded like Zoe is really well adjusted, despite all the current turmoil. You have informed her teachers of her situation and they say she is doing fine regardless. Just let her know that you are there for her, tell her in words, don’t assume that she knows. Tell her that if she feels she can’t talk to you, which I don’t highly, that she can talk to someone else.
    You have done such a splendid job in raising her and you continue to wrap her in your love.
    About the period thing – Am I stating the obvious to perhaps pack a little “kit” in her bag and chat to her?
    You are a great Mum, regardless of what anyone says.

  2. MamaCat says:

    You are human too and you can be excused for lack of attention for a bit. At least you know you have a raised her so well up to now, that she is stable and happy, in spite of the drama of life.
    Enjoy your time together, we all know how fast time passes and they grow up and away.

  3. catjuggles says:

    Kids are so amazing – they adapt way easier than we do. You did the best you could – and it has to be good enough. As to the period – any mom fears it. At school or when mine goes aaway on camps. I packed a little emergency bag with a letter in it to her.

  4. Deblet says:

    Amazing Mommy who has an awesome daughter. know you doing something right just look at Zoe.

  5. charliesbird says:

    I don’t think you have too much to worry about – she’s a beautiful strong soul – yes, she needs her mom, and your decision will benefit both of you – but she will rise above this and be able to make a good decision about her future partner one day.

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