Sorry I know – I’ve been exceptionally quiet but there is just sooooooo much going on that I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
So where to start?
OK – the good news – I ran another personal best on Tuesday on a 21km – once again I was with running husband Andy and he pushed me and almost killed me in the process but afterwards I was very happy and I could say that I’ve done another PB on a 21!! I do have to wonder why now all of a sudden I run so well.
The house that I’ve been living in for 10 years has been sold – I was so happy about it because it is an emotional, physical and financial drain on me. And now – well the bloody buyer is trying his utmost to get out of buying the house – so guess what – the house is going back on the market!! So now I have to hide the dirty dishes in the oven etc etc to make the house look presentable. Luckily the garden and pool is looking good.
And then my poor child was teased yesterday because her mommy and daddy is getting divorced. I felt so so terrible and what made me feel even worse is that she didn’t tell me – the mom of the bully phoned me in tears to apologise – Zoe told the mom and not me. It just feels although Zoe is compartmentalising her life at the moment and she doesn’t tell me anything that she thinks will upset me. And this is one of the biggest reasons why I would’ve stayed in this marriage forever because I absolutely believe that a child is just better off with both parents and my happiness is way way way less important than her security and safety.
The poor child is losing so much and has lost so much. Sometimes the guilt of it eats me alive – and my heart breaks for her.
The divorce – still hanging – heaven knows when this will be finalised…
I’ve never had to deal with so many different lawyers and documentation in my life!!!
And me – I’m not crying anymore – purely because I really think there is no more tears left. I do get a dull ache in my chest every now and again but the tears has dried up. I’m absolutely convinced that I’m in survival mode at the moment – I have to get things done and I have to keep going – what will happen once all the turmoil is over and I’m in calmer waters? I really hope that I don’t crash and burn then.
Have a wonderful weekend – running another 21 with crazy running husband Andy on Sunday – but I have to take it easy – an ultra of 48km’s is waiting for me on Saturday.