is really not for wimps. In actual fact I think it may be harder than the death of a spouse – OK I admit, I’ve never been through the death of a spouse but at least it is over and done with but divorce drag on and on and on – and you have to face a person you still love day by day and you can see nothing but indifference in them and it rips you apart every time you interact.
But OK this is supposed to be a positive post, a post of how I can feel God’s hand around me the whole time, how people support me and are there for me.
Last week was a nightmare – Zoe was away with her Dad – they went to the Kgalagadi – so no cellphone reception. I couldn’t talk to her for about 4 days and they were away in total for 10 days. The longest I’ve ever been away from her. It was awful BUT so many people rallied around me and I drank copious amounts of coffee and milkshakes and beer. And I was busy – I ran a lot and I could feel my fitness picking up.
I sold my car, and I got my other car…. – cried buckets both times…
Obviously running is harder now – I have to plan it around Zoe’s activities or send her to my mom or not run. It is also more difficult because physically I’m actually quite weak – losing about 6% of your body weight in such a short time is a lot but I keep going.
One of my running friends who has gone through a divorce recently told me that I have to accept every offer to do something that come my way and I even have to invite myself to events if I hear about it. It may have been some of the best advice I’ve received.
And there is so much to do and see and experience if you are just open to it. Just one example – I got a SMS late one night saying if I reply I would receive free tickets to show at Carnival City. I replied, got the tickets and went to show with my mom. And what a poignant, bittersweet show.
Monday was another terrible day, and as I got home a member of our running club – somebody I’m not particularly close to ask me to go for a walk with her – she can’t run but needs to be out. So I said yes and Zoe and myself went walking with her and we chatted and before I know it we whiled away an hour.
For a week I’ve had this need in my soul to be enveloped in a hug whilst sitting on somebody’s lap. I know it sounds silly but didn’t you feel exceptionally save as a child on somebody’s lap. So obviously I can’t crawl onto my mom’s lap – she is so tiny I’ll flatten her. And yesterday my big big friend said I should give her hug, but she can’t stand due to health reasons and before I know it I was on her lap being hugged…. Not exactly what I had in mind BUT my wish was fulfilled. 🙂
I have so many many examples of things and people that happen. Every single time I have an exceptionally low moment, I get a phone call or a message or an email or something on FB catches my eye. I can really say that God is good and God is looking after me. And His Grace is enough
And because of that I know – I’ll be OK – it may be a different type of OK but things will work out…
Ohh and just another curve ball life has decided to throw at me – we were put on short time at work and retrenchments are the next step!!!
So yes my life is imploding through the actions of others but I’ll be OK.