Always silent

Ok so I have to ask why I always choose to stay quiet when people lash out at me, be it on Facebook, in an e-mail or even verbally.  I always stay quiet because I have been brought up to show them I am the better person and to not get involved in the mud slinging.

Happened again yesterday, and I once again chose to keep quiet.  I’m sure the other person is feeling much better, vicious attack, bad feelings let out and move on.  I on the other hand has the deleted the attack BUT I’m constantly thinking about what I want to say and how to lash out and hurt this person more than I was hurt and how I have enough ammunition to get this person back etc etc.

So who is better off?  The “righteous” person who has lashed out and is feeling much better or me, trying to take the  moral high ground but is sitting with this unresolved anger, hurt, need for revenge? 

Then why do I do it?  Well I think in a way it has a lot to do with upbringing, we were never allowed to retaliate when my father launched an attack so it is ingrained.  However I am an adult and shouldn’t let the shackles of the past keep me from doing things.  But I think there is also the soft side in me that does not want to hurt another as I was hurt.  Maybe turning the other cheek kind of syndrome?

Would I feel better if I launch an attack?  Most probably until the attack is then escalated by the other person, and I have to retaliate again, and the going backwards and forwards gets worse and worse until the hurt just get out of hand.

So what should I do?  Passive ignoring or active attack?  Normally when I have this type of dilemma, I would ask myself what I want Zoe to do in this type of situation but at this stage I don’t know, however I can only hope that she is never in such a situation. 

And to think it is all because I cared so much and was so worried, having sleepless nights and expecting the worse….

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2 Responses to Always silent

  1. helen_77 says:

    I too tend to think of things I should’ve said after the event. I think when someone attacks you like that you are kind of stunned into silence. Sometimes a manage a quick, sarcastic retort. But you are right. Keeping quiet and then your mind goes into overdrive making you nuts.
    When Liam comes home with stories of so and so did this or said that I tell him to say “I don’t like it when you do that” and to go and sit with someone else. If only everything were that simple in an adult world
    Hugs Surita

    • suritabotha says:

      Thanks Helen. I give the same advise to Zoe, play with somebody else. I’m giving myself that advise now!

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