Kindness and being kicked in the teeth

My whole life I’ve alway tried to do the right thing.  Be good, study, do everything that needs to be done at the right time, like my drivers licences, getting married and only then have kids etc etc.  I also always try to be kind to others and to be quite frank I normally bend over backwards to accomodate other people or do them favours even if it is to my own detrement.

But somedays I just don’t know why I care so much and try so hard.  So today there is going to be now happy list and sunshine and positiveness in my post.

I’m angry, I’m bitter and I’m upset.

Firstly that stupid blond dog that I rescued from the SPCA – he escaped out of the gate this morning and it took us 20 minutes to catch him and get him back in the yard.  I’m not upset about that because a dog is a dog is a dog but my reaction is what is making me upset.  I hit him so hard when we finally caught him and now I feel like I should report myself to the SPCA for animal cruelty.  And the whole time while I was running up and down the street trying to catch I was thinking – you stupid bloody dog – you should be grateful that you have a home again and that you have been rescued from a sure death.

And then yesteday I had to go to my brother’s house to set his alarm.  Dont’ think that he has asked me himself, he send a message via my mother to ask me to set the alarm.  I don’t know if I have told this story but my mom has given him the house that we grew up in.  Yes he got the house and I got the responsibility of being the dutifull daughter.  Anyway – this was a really really nice house.  But I was so shocked yesterday when I went there – I’m sure squatters look after their house better than what he is doing.  The house is dirty and neglected and full of junk that is supposed to be thrown away.  How do you live like that.  He doesn’t have a mortgage and he can spend money on the house to at least make it habitable.  And now he has asked my  mom to sell this house and then they can build him a new house with that money!  WTF!!!!!

And here I am – a slave to my bond AND I try to improve my house every month with the little bit of extra money that we have.

And worst of all is that my mom can’t see anything wrong with this.

I just don’t know – I’m just so upset today.  And the negative role model here at work is also rubbing me the wrong way.




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