Faking it

Ha I bet that you were thinking about something that I’m not going to write about.  This is about me doubting myself.

In the UK they have a reality program called Faking it – they take a person and within 6 weeks they teach this person to be a gymnast or a horse rider or a bouncer or a chef.  The possibilities are endless.  After 6 weeks this person competes against people that are the real Mccoy and judges must then decide who the faker is.

Well I feel like a fake runner at the moment.  I know I’ve been running for almost 4 years now and I’ve surely done a few kilometers in that time and I can even chalk up 4 ultra marathons and about 5 marathons against my name but if I look at the people around me and their lean mean running machine bodies and their injury free seasons and the ease they have in doing a long distance and experience now pain afterwards I do start to doubt myself.  Am I really a runner?  Am I faking it?  Why do I always get this silly injuries?  Why do I still hobble after a marathon and an ultra?  Why does it hurt so much?  Why why why?

Ohh goodness Comrades is 51 days away and I’m SCARED!  I feel although I’ve undertrained completely but I also don’t know where I should find the time to do more.  I’m still slow even though I’ve been doing speed training and I still stop and walk at the merest inclination of a hill even though I’ve been doing hill training. 

Why can’t I have my brother’s running genes?  He is such a fantastic talented runner but he does absolutely nothing with it, he does not run at all.  I’m the one with absolutely no talent for running but I just keep on going and trying!

Is this a pity party for myself or is this pre-opening night jitters?

Grrr – 51 days to go and this should be my big month that has started with excruciating slowness due to rain and work and some other factors as well.

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2 Responses to Faking it

  1. JessieR says:

    I think it is a bit of both gf.You know what. Your little voice sounds strong and clear to me. The voice inside you that got you into running shoes in the first place.The little voice that forgets just how far you have come sometimes. And looks at the path ahead and is afraid.I know that voice gf. And you know what?It is no stronger than you let it be. And it will not stop you from trying and trying and trying again. Because that is who we are.

  2. SuritaBotha says:

    Thannk you Puffy! I should stop comparing myself to others and only do what I can do to the best of what I can.

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