Ha I bet that you were thinking about something that I’m not going to write about. This is about me doubting myself.
In the UK they have a reality program called Faking it – they take a person and within 6 weeks they teach this person to be a gymnast or a horse rider or a bouncer or a chef. The possibilities are endless. After 6 weeks this person competes against people that are the real Mccoy and judges must then decide who the faker is.
Well I feel like a fake runner at the moment. I know I’ve been running for almost 4 years now and I’ve surely done a few kilometers in that time and I can even chalk up 4 ultra marathons and about 5 marathons against my name but if I look at the people around me and their lean mean running machine bodies and their injury free seasons and the ease they have in doing a long distance and experience now pain afterwards I do start to doubt myself. Am I really a runner? Am I faking it? Why do I always get this silly injuries? Why do I still hobble after a marathon and an ultra? Why does it hurt so much? Why why why?
Ohh goodness Comrades is 51 days away and I’m SCARED! I feel although I’ve undertrained completely but I also don’t know where I should find the time to do more. I’m still slow even though I’ve been doing speed training and I still stop and walk at the merest inclination of a hill even though I’ve been doing hill training.
Why can’t I have my brother’s running genes? He is such a fantastic talented runner but he does absolutely nothing with it, he does not run at all. I’m the one with absolutely no talent for running but I just keep on going and trying!
Is this a pity party for myself or is this pre-opening night jitters?
Grrr – 51 days to go and this should be my big month that has started with excruciating slowness due to rain and work and some other factors as well.